Computer Engineer from Brazil
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Do They Even Know How Contracts Work?

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A client sends through a “draft” contract to me. The payment section is blank.

Client: Have you signed the contract yet?

Me: No. It looks fine, but the payment section is blank. We agreed on $80k. If you can fill the blanks with the amount you agreed to, I’ll sign.

Client: Yep! We’ll fill it in after you’ve signed.

Me: Does anyone ever fall for that?

Client: Not enough people for my liking, to be honest.

The post Do They Even Know How Contracts Work? appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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gabrielgeraldo
394 days ago
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São Paulo
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75 days ago
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loansprofit
77 days ago
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50 hour job in 1.5 days

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This is a verbatim real job posting I recently saw.

Client: This is data collection job. I need a person to collect the data from various sources (we will give sources). The job requires 40-50 hours. We can pay 5,5 € / hour including taxes. You can do this job from any place you want, even from home, listen to your favourite podcasts while doing, etc.

Client: The job needs to finished today / tomorrow.

The post 50 hour job in 1.5 days appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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gabrielgeraldo
420 days ago
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São Paulo
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Super Executive

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Client: What’s an SEO – a Super Executive Officer or something? 

The post Super Executive appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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gabrielgeraldo
447 days ago
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São Paulo
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What can you do for ME?

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Client: I’ll come clean with you. I have someone else lined up to do this at half your price, but I want YOU to do it. So… what can you do for me to make my decision easier?

Me: Walk away and wish you luck.

Don’t waste my time with a bargaining tactic that may or may not be true, a**hole. 


Paying you less is an arms race. What’s the latest technology for screwing you over that you’ve experienced?

The post What can you do for ME? appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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gabrielgeraldo
630 days ago
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São Paulo
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Statistics

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We reject the null hypothesis based on the 'hot damn, check out this chart' test.
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gabrielgeraldo
648 days ago
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São Paulo
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alt_text_bot
648 days ago
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We reject the null hypothesis based on the 'hot damn, check out this chart' test.

Overheard on the bus

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Not my client from hell, but somebody’s. I overheard the following on a public bus. The young woman behind me made a long and loud phone call, thus the one-sided conversation.

Client: Hey, I have a job for you!

Client: I need a flyer with our team and some of our opponents on it, it needs to show that there’s an important match in three weeks.

Client: We have 800 photos on our website. Just choose the best ones of our players and any of our opponents.

Client: I’m sure they are fine with it, it’s free advertising for them. But make them look weak. Our team needs to look powerful and dynamic. And the match has to look exciting! You are the designer, you’ll know what to do.

Client: As your reward you can also be on the flyer! You can look as important as the players!

Client: It doesn’t matter that you don’t wear a jersey, you are the designer! You can edit the flyer in a way that your clothes don’t show and you’ll look like part of the team.

Client: I don’t understand, what do you mean?

Client: I can pay you with a massage. *suggestively, suddenly not as loud* I can massage your neck, your back, your legs. We’ll see.

Client: Pay you money?

Client: …Yes, I do like my salary. But that’s completely different!

Client: Yes, I understand. But this is an opportunity, you should be happy! This is the perfect chance for you to be creative! Carte blanche, you can fill the whole space without any restrictions. I’m absolutely certain everyone will agree with whatever you design!

Client: …Why are you so mean?

She exited the bus, still on the phone, by then a bit more desperate. I truly hope the person on the other side hung up on her soon after.

The post Overheard on the bus appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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gabrielgeraldo
716 days ago
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this kind of story looks even better if you only see one side
São Paulo
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